


let the summer pass by

by vigorous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Oikawa POV, Summer Fling, francis forever is such a messed up song, mitski is the reason im like this, oikawa refuses to allow himself happiness, this is sad but there's some sweet moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29777163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vigorous/pseuds/vigorous
Summary: Summer is a feeling more than a moment in time now. Summer is to be bottled and drunk on quiet fall evenings when the only thing on one’s mind isTake me back.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 16
Kudos: 38
Collections: Haikyuu Writer Jukebox Round One - Mitski





	let the summer pass by

**Author's Note:**

> based on francis forever by mitski.  
> here's the [ playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2f9NhGMxFDbaYWjFf5ID0e?si=EMyq8aCbTZmpF2HW--YULw) if you're interested.  
> the song lyrics are kageyama's pov and the text is oikawa's.

_i- i don't know what to do without you, i don’t know where to put my hands_

There’s a certain memory that try as he might, Tooru can’t get out of his head. It’s of Tobio’s hands on his face, in the middle of an empty street. They had just finished stretching, about to start their morning run and Tobio had stood impossibly still. He watched Tooru intently and then placed his right hand on his left cheek. They stood under a tree. (Tooru can’t remember what tree it was, he just remembers the warmth of Tobio’s hand and the shadow of the leaves decorating his face.) He didn't say a word after, he just dropped his hand and began jogging. Tooru remembers watching the expanse of his back, and thinking, _He’s beautiful_ , and then, _I can’t let him get too far ahead._

_ii- i don’t think i could stand to be where you don’t see me_

Summer is a feeling more than a moment in time now. Summer is to be bottled and drunk on quiet fall evenings when the only thing on one’s mind is _Take me back_. When Tooru learnt (from Shouyou) that he and Tobio were going to be back in Miyagi for the summer, he didn’t think too much of it. He didn’t expect anything to come of the coincidence, he thought that maybe something would possess him on a particularly boring afternoon to ask Tobio if he wanted to grab lunch. He didn’t know that Tobio would call first and ask if he’d go to a bar with him. That they would kiss in the bathroom and that three weeks later, he’d wipe Tobio’s tears and tell him, “Hey, I’ll see you around.” He didn’t know Tobio would shake his head, not saying a word until Tooru had one foot out the door. 

“I want you to look for me everywhere you go, okay? I want you to see me everywhere.”

Tooru blinked, silently praying that the tears won’t fall out, and stepped out.

_iii- i miss you more than anything_

Tooru’s first night back in San Juan is warm, which he hadn’t expected. He’d expected the weather to be as cold as he’d felt on the inside. He makes a point of not checking his phone, afraid that it would beckon him towards a part of himself he wanted to be free of. He also feels heavy, like he now had an invisible weight on his back. He stands in front of the mirror, looking closely at his reflection and hoping to see a glimpse of the person he wanted to become. Not just for himself but for the man he’d left behind. It’s a strange feeling: to want to better yourself to be worthy of the person you now seemed to carry wherever you went. He’s thinking as he shaves his face, careful not to hurt himself, if Tobio felt as lopsided as he did. Would it be selfish of Tooru to pick up the phone to hear his name said back to him? To hear _Tooru_ said with a kindness he’d looked for within himself and outside. _Tooru_ said like a spell, like he was capable of turning the world to flame. This feeling is foriegn to him, after all. For someone who spent an abnormal amount of time criticising himself, Tooru always found himself surprised by just how little he knew himself. He looks into the mirror and wonders if Tobio shaved his face too, tonight. He wonders if he’d ever get the change to touch him again. 

Two weeks ago, he stood facing Tobio and asked if he would let him shave his face for him. He doesn’t know why he asked but perhaps it was the fact that Tooru never let himself be this close. This gesture, however mundane, felt supremely more intimate than any other. Tobio nodded and Tooru noticed that there was a glint in his eyes that hadn’t been there. A look that meant _Let’s see how far you want to go_. Tooru found himself smiling despite himself. He pumped the shaving cream into his hands and lathered it onto Tobio’s face. The thing about being around Tobio that Tooru enjoyed most had to be how serene everything around them felt. That was only possible now that they had both grown up. They were very quiet as Tooru took the razor to Tobio’s face. He placed his hand gently on his chin and tilted it when he needed it to.

“Have you ever done this before?” Tobio asked, eyes shut. 

“I have not homoerotically shaved another man’s face the morning after I hooked up with him, no.” 

Tobio laughed loudly and Tooru lifted the razor off his cheek so he wouldn’t accidentally hurt him. “Have you always been this funny?”

“You’re really annoying, I hope I’ve told you that enough times,” Tooru replied, rolling his eyes. 

Tobio opened his eyes and met his gaze. He stepped closer to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Tooru saw his own face reddening in the mirror and wondered if he’ll be able to walk away without getting hurt. 

Perhaps his apartment was too small for all the loneliness he brought with him from Miyagi, Tooru decides. 

_iv- i don’t need the world to see that i’ve been the best i can be_

If Tooru was the same person he’d been before the summer, he wouldn’t be thinking of whether Tobio was watching his game. He would be thinking of the game and only the game but here he was with a yearning so palpable in his chest. 

One night, Tobio had made pork curry for the two of them. Tooru had asked where he learned to make it and watched as Tobio perked up and started talking about his late grandfather. Tooru listened as he ate and took note of just how bright Tobio was. He went on and on about how kind his grandfather was. How he and his sister were so close to him they didn’t need an honorific to address him. Just _Kazuyo_ , because before he was their grandfather, he was their confidante and closest friend. 

“Was he the one who taught you volleyball, Tobio-chan?” Tooru asked.

Tobio paused, eyebrows raised. “How’d you know? I haven’t mentioned that yet.”

He smiled, and pinched Tobio’s cheeks. “You had the same look in your eyes talking about him that you get when you talk about anything volleyball.” He tilted his head and Tooru knew he wanted a bit more of an explanation. “You get really smiley and animated. You move your hands around a lot and your eyes get really wide. It’s really endearing, actually.”

Tooru wasn’t looking at Tobio when he said that. It wasn’t often that he told someone he was attracted to that he thought they were endearing or that he paid much attention to their expressions and habits. It was almost embarrassing letting Tobio know just how much he cared.

“Oikawa-san?”

“I thought we agreed that I’m Tooru to you now.” 

“Tooru, how did you come to love volleyball?”

On the service line, Tooru stands waiting for the referee to blow the whistle and as he leaps into the air after the ball, he hopes he is watching him. It didn’t matter if everyone in the world sees him land this service ace if Kageyama Tobio isn’t one of them.

“I thought volleyball was a nice enough sport and then I met Jose Blanco. Suddenly, the world opened up to me. And then I met you and realised I can aim much higher.”

The world cheers for Oikawa Tooru but he pays it no mind. He’s only thinking of Tobio’s open face and his quiet, “I’m happy we’re here.”

_v- autumn comes when you’re not done (with the summer passing by)_

Tooru remembers not knowing where to put his own hands that last night. It took him a while to come to his senses and put his hands in Tobio’s hair. It took him even longer to move his hands down to his neck. He remembers drawing circles on the back of his neck. He recalls Tobio’s eyes closing when Tooru put his hands on his face. Tooru had thought he was beyond this obsession. This fire in his chest that claimed more land than the Earth could ever provide. He remembers just how warm Tobio’s hands were when he’d cupped them between his and wished for this fire to not engulf Tobio. He would rather he burnt over and over, a million times than watch Tobio’s hands light up. Not his hands. Never the hands. Anything but his hands.

Tooru deluded himself into thinking that he didn’t need Tobio and that Tobio didn't need him either. After all, they spent their whole lives chasing volleyball. It made no sense to him that they would need anything or any _one_ else. It felt right, at least at the end of the summer, that the feeling in his chest would disappear in due time. 

Tobio hadn’t said anything when Tooru mentioned that this was just a summer thing. In hindsight, it almost felt to Tooru that he knew he wouldn’t be able to let go. Maybe Tobio knew him better than he knew himself so he didn’t stop him. He just let him believe in his own delusion, confident in the knowledge that he’d come back to him.

 _Maybe next summer_ , he says to the quiet of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry to oikage and thank you to mitski and all of you for reading.


End file.
